"On The Inside" opens the window to fear, pain, pride, brokenness, restoration, and salvation. It is like walking into a picture of sorts...It is dim where I stand. As I begin to strum the opening chords, I am standing in the rear corner of a grand auditorium as a string ensemble is warming up on stage. As I begin to sing it is almost as if the players on the stage unknowingly join in. The resolve comes as the guitar and vocal are left open and vulnerable, unmasked and creeping out of the shadows. One could almost imagine the ensemble putting down their instruments and listening.
As I think of “On the Inside,” I remember myself in what seems a distant memory. I recall days that I thought would never end. I remember hiding all of my feelings and thoughts, afraid of what people would think of me, but now I know that it is the Lord who is in control -- I am not caught in the crosshairs of their fiery darts. Then there was the season of rebellion, proving that I could and would do just what I wanted and was capable of. I know now that the only way to succeed is to walk in step with God -- not out front and not behind. I also remember hours of brokenness, straining to understand why every day felt as if I were trapped under a landslide, clawing my way to clean air. Today, I know that God was drawing the new self out and leaving the old one behind.
The Lord knows our hearts. He has seen every moment of our lives and loves us. Our lives are not our own. Our castle walls were not built by God, but by us. Whether we know it or not the world is watching, trying to understand why such beautiful castles sit in isolation. We may wave our Jesus flag from the tower, but it will never be understood until we let down the drawbridge, walk out of the shadows, and walk into the world that needs the light.
To purchase On The Inside click HERE
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ON THE INSIDE
The days are long, the nights are longer
I cover my wounds like a war-torn soldier
I cannot speak and the silence, it kills
A casualty of war to the battle of my mind
On the inside, I'm broken and scarred
Humbled and shattered and scared to go on
On the inside, the fear is mounting
I hide all my hurts and I act like I'm fine
On the inside, the Lord knows my heart
The truth I can't hide on the outside
I grab my sword and I lunge at the air
I'm gonna fight to show I don't care
I cannot see, but the enemy is real
I'm trapped in this anguish in the corner of my world
Another day, another unmet need
I'm on the ground prayin' on my knees
I fall broken, a heap on the floor
I see my frailty and, Lord, I need You more
On the outside, it's on the outside
It's on the inside, it's on the outside
©2002 Tonya Betz
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