There have been many dark nights in my life. I remember being consumed by fear, driven by guilt, and longing for some sort of escape. As I sat alone in the darkness I would wonder if anyone else really could understand me and my life. On the outside, I appeared to be a bit quirky, but normal nonetheless. Inside, I was tortured by my mind. Nobody knew my past or my struggles.
The biggest weight that I carried was of being date-raped. I had a lifetime of trust ripped from me in an instant. I was fearful of others and of allowing others to see into my world. I succumbed to my own private world of hurt and pain where I would go to when all other escapes were gone. During those dark moments I failed to see or even understand that the Lord was there. I struggled with the thought that God allowed me to go through this experience and yet somehow He loved me. As I sat through Bible classes at my Christian college I failed to grasp an answer to that nagging question.
One day the Lord reached out and took hold of my life and I began to understand. The Lord loved me before I loved Him. He knew that I would endure pain, but this pain was because I was seeking to find His love in the love that others had to offer. He allowed me to be hurt knowing that I would be able to show His victory in my life to others, and that many others have endured similar experiences. He knew the pain I was going through all of those dark nights, and He was longing to heal me of that pain and to bring me into the light.
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IN THE DARKEST NIGHT
In the darkest night,
Where there is no sleep
The terrors inside,
They tear away your faith
But I will be right,
Right there holding on to you
When the lightning strikes
And thunder rolls on in
The storms inside,
They chase away your friends
But I will be right,
Right there holding on to you
And I
will come to you
when you call on Me
And I
will be with you for eternity
In the dark of your room,
You hide away the pain
The sorrows inside,
They shadow everything
But I will be right,
Right there holding on to you
Take a look and you'll see,
Right there in front of Me
Oh, child, I long,
I long to set you free
And I will be right,
Right here holding out the key
©2002 Tonya Betz