A few years ago I came to a point where I knew that I was holding my life too tightly. I was determined to have my own way, to succeed at my own hand, and to not allow anyone into my world. To those standing near, I appeared to have it all together and be on the path to fame. As time went on, I began to realize the prison I had put myself in. In anguish, my heart cried out to the Lord. I wanted so much to love and serve Him, but there was too much of me standing in the way.
"Break Me" was my real prayer that day. I hope it is not a song that dumps people back in a dark place, time and time again, but that it is a mere reminder of the past. I think back and I am thankful for where I am today.
When we put on a mask and act a part, it is just that, an act. The whole time we are projecting our character, the real person has to be hidden away. Out of fear that someone might not like you for who you are, you hide away behind your wall -- a prisoner. The darker your world gets the darker your thoughts, the harder it is to see the light, and the harder it is to know you are in the dark. As I did, you adjust your thinking and begin to buy the lies of the enemy in order to live in some sense of peace. Deep down there is no peace though, and in the end you cry out to the Lord. It is there that true peace can be found. In that place of brokenness and surrender healing can begin.
"But in my foolishness I've stumbled on the Truth, here I am Lord. . ."
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BREAK ME
Holy Father, I cry out again
From the darkness where I lay
So cold and damp,
These waters where I wallow,
Self-pity
And here I come again,
Asking for forgiveness
Where justice is due
Oh, Lord, forgive me for I,
I am a sinner
Here I come, here I am
Here I give myself over once again
Here I stand, here I fall
Break me
Another day,
Another dollar in my pocket,
Burning a hole
Lord, I never meant
For life to be this way, I swear it
A penny for my thoughts,
Trading truth for the lies,
What was I thinking
Oh, Lord, forgive me for I,
For I have failed
I've built my walls,
My towers up to heaven,
Trying to get ahead
But all I've got
Is an album of lies
And books I've never read
I try so hard
In my own power
To live my own life
But in my foolishness I've stumbled on the Truth,
Here I am, Lord
©2002 Tonya Betz